Have you ever been to a golf course where grown men gather simply to horse around and get drunk? If you've played your share of public courses, you probably know the types I'm talking about. For these neanderthals, golf is an escape from the wife and kids, an excuse to act like an idiot, and a chance to imbibe great quantities of domestic beer. More often than not, they're also loud. You'll hear them talking smack or otherwise goofing off with their pot-bellied buddies while you're teeing off or trying to make a critical putt nearby. I've gotten fairly used to these boors over the years, and usually just look down my nose at them before moving along. However, on a recent visit to Indian Wells Golf Club I was stunned by the ignorance of one of these characters, a fellow my playing partners and I affectionately referred to as "Mega-Man".
Mega-Man was with a large group of players holding a tournament at Indian Wells. He couldn't play because of some health issues, so he thought it would be a hoot to heckle his pot-bellied buddies as they tackled the course - you know, they like that sort of thing. But Mega Man wasn't content to heckle at the top of his voice. He felt that he needed some acoustic assistance - in the form of a megaphone! Yes, he brought a flipping megaphone to the course. As his boorish buddies made their way along the fairways, he exhorted them to "Pick up the pace" and "Keep it moving." Boy, that Mega Man is hilarious, isn't he? The problem is, he could be heard on the entire course, not only by his beer-swigging, knuckle-dragging boys, but by all the respectable patrons who were not part of his illustrious group.
I played four holes with Mega-Man spewing his unique brand of comedy across the escarpment, before I finally encountered the course marshal. I asked him a couple of questions. Who is the guy with the megaphone? How can you possibly allow that? He sheepishly admitted looking the other way when he first encountered Mega-Man and promised to take action now that I brought it up. For the rest of the round, Mega-Man was relatively silent, but there were a few occasions where he continued his stupidity. Clearly, the marshal or other course staff did not give him a stern enough warning. Shame on Indian Wells! If Mega-Man didn't put the megaphone away after being warned, he should have been kicked off the course immediately.
Since the course did a terrible job at managing the situation, I felt I had to do the work for them. Following the round, I asked one of the tournament players to introduce me to the hilarious guy with the megaphone. It wasn't hard to find someone in the group, since they were all availing themselves of the alcoholic beverages in the clubhouse. When I found Mega-Man, I gave him and his nearby buddies a quick lesson in basic golf etiquette. I doubt they actually learned anything, but at least I did my part.
As for my game, it was my worst of the season. My driving was quite good, while chipping and putting was satisfactory. My bunker play was, once again, terrible. However, the real problem was my approach shots from inside 150 yards. I could not hit a green to save my life! I was in the fairway plenty of times, but it made no difference. When I happened to be in the rough, it was even worse. The rough at Indian Wells was extremely thick, if not very long. Since trouble came early in the round, it was very hard to stay motivated.
Score: 116
Par: 71
Putts: 37
Fairways: 7
Greens: 1
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