Wonky at Willow Valley

On a gorgeous late September afternoon, I made a return visit to Willow Valley Golf Club. The first third of the round was horrible, even though it included a couple of pars. That's because it also included a triple, a quad, and two quintuple-bogeys. One of the quints came on the opening hole, a pretty tame par-4 at just 355 yards. I thinned my first drive into the hazard directly in front of the teeing ground. My third from the tee got airborne, but was lost in the same hazard, which hugs the entire left side of the hole.

When you collect penalty strokes in pairs like that, big numbers are inevitable. I went on to collect a pair of penalties on four additional holes. Add a couple more holes that produced a penalty each, and I finished with 12 penalty strokes for the round. Three times this season, I collected 11 penalties during a round, but a dozen takes the cake. You simply cannot score well with that many penalties. For the season, I am averaging almost six penalty strokes per round. That tells you all you need to know about my scoring.

The Optimist and Pragmatist at Paris Grand

102. The number is getting to be like a cancerous tumour in my brain. The same goes for 103, 104, or any other number just above the century mark. Like cancer cells, they reproduce, viciously laying waste to a once healthy mind. Every time I post one of these scores, I feel like part of me dies. The snowball effect is incredible. Each failure reinforces the message: “You suck and will never be a good golfer.” Frustration mounts, along with self-doubt. There is an ever-present sense of helplessness. All of which only serves to perpetuate the downward spiral. The scores get worse, the psyche suffers, so the scores get worse still.

Before my latest visit to Paris Grand Golf Club, I had played 26 rounds of golf this season – at 26 different courses. While I like the variety, you could argue that playing a different course every time out does nothing to improve your scores, especially if you've never played some of those courses ever before. The optimist in me chose to believe there was something to this line of thought. Perhaps I wasn't really as bad as my scores this season have indicated. The pragmatist in me knew this was wishful thinking. Some of my worst rounds this year have been at courses that I've played many times in previous years. So the optimist and the pragmatist went to Paris Grand for the second time this year, to see which one of them was correct.

Cheap Thrills at Flamborough Hills

Each of the past seven years, the Deepwoods Golf Association has started the season with a round at Copetown Woods Golf Club. On my way to Copetown Woods, I would pass by the entrance to a neighbouring course called Flamborough Hills. I knew it was a 27-hole facility, and an examination of the course guide and scorecard revealed it to be a course of reasonable length and design. Nevertheless, it remained a course that I had never played. Until now.

On a comfortable, but overcast afternoon, I teed off on the Lakes nine at Flamborough Hills. I pulled my drive on the first hole well left of the fairway, but reached the short par-5 in regulation with a pitching wedge, lob wedge combination. I failed to lag my first putt near the hole and finished with a bogey. Next up, a short par-3, at 127 yards. I hit the gap wedge a tiny bit fat, coming up short of the green. A poor chip left a lot of real estate between me and the hole. Another poor lag ensued, this one sent screaming well past the hole. My second 3-putt of the day produced double-bogey. On hole #3, a straightaway par-4, my approach from the right fairway (also with the gap wedge) was a bit fat again. This time, my chip released well past the hole, but I managed to 2-putt for bogey.

Up in Flames at Dragon's Fire

With my latest round at Dragon's Fire Golf Club, the Deepwoods season came to an end. That the season would be a failure was never in doubt; in the previous four rounds, I amassed a measly point total and was wallowing at the bottom of the standings. However, I was clinging to the hope that I could pull off one good round to salvage something from a lost campaign – maybe just a shred of pride. I had done as much in 2011, when I managed to score 83 in the final Deepwoods event at Willow Valley. Unfortunately, there was none of that this time around.

In the early going, the round looked like it might be something special. After a double-bogey on the opening par-4 hole, I rattled off four consecutive pars. I was punishing the fairways and making some nice approaches. Luck was also on my side, as some mis-hits (a couple of balls caught thin) ended up very near the pins. Even the opening double-bogey featured some great shots. I push-sliced my first tee shot into the woods right, but hitting my third from the tee, I striped one down the middle, leaving 75 yards to the green. Next, I hit a lovely lob wedge, settling four feet from the pin tucked away at the extreme back right. I missed the putt, hence the double.

Non Believer at Hockley Valley

After a slight layoff, I headed out to Hockley Valley Resort for my latest round of golf. If nothing else, it's a nice drive to the Orangeville area course. Things started out well, with a fairway hit and a 2-putt bogey on the opening par-4 hole. My first putt was excellent, breaking sharply at the end and almost dying in the hole for par. I can't really complain about it not dropping, but these are the kind of misses that kill me at the end of the day. It's virtually certain that I will have some blowup holes along the way, so I really have to conserve strokes elsewhere.

I made triple-bogey on the next two holes, a par-4, followed by a par-3. The results perfectly illustrate the dangers of Hockley Valley. After duffing my second shot on hole #2, I pulled an approach just left of the green. The ball was in some gnarly weeds, which are typical for the course when you're off line. You simply cannot afford to go in there. It took two good hacks to get out. On hole #3, I pulled a pitching wedge off the tee and into the woods. Just like that, I gave away two strokes and had to hit my third from the tee.

Bunkered at The Country Club

It was a rare chance to play with some friends, so I was looking forward to my latest golf outing. I met up with Linley, Paul and Luke at The Country Club in Woodbridge for an afternoon round. Given the way I've played this year, I wasn't expecting to post a great score. Still, I went in thinking it would be nice to shave a couple strokes and perhaps break 100. That's not asking much, right?

My drive on hole #1 (East course) drifted right of the fairway toward a group of trees behind the ninth green. The rough underneath wasn't bad, but I couldn't find my ball. Are you freaking kidding me? On my very first shot? Have some mercy, for heaven's sake. Nearer the green, my approach was a hair long, but it caught a mound, propelling the ball further away under some trees and into the fescue. It was impossible to get to the green in one shot from there. Add it all up, and I started the round with a triple-bogey.