I last played golf at Lowville Golf Club, home of the five hour round. There's a lot to like about the club, but pace of play is not one of them. By no means am I one of those pace of play nazis, but even I was frustrated with the glacial rate of progress on this particular day. And let's be clear: the pace of play had nothing to do with the players out on the course and what they were or were not doing. Rather, it had everything to do with the club itself and how it manages its tee sheet.
Enough of that, let's move on to the actual golf. The front nine at Lowville consists of three par-5, three par-4, and three par-3 holes. I made bogey on all of the par-5 holes, beginning with #1. My third shot from 110 yards ended up on the left fringe and I took a chip and two putts to finish. On #4, I was behind and right of the green after getting there in just two shots. A great pitch shot wasn't rewarded, as the ball rolled off the other side of the green into the rough. The comeback chip was okay, but I missed the par putt and hence, the bogey. So much for reaching the green in two. On #7, I pumped a drive deep, leaving 190 yards to the green. After a terribly pulled 4-iron, I did well just to get on the green in four, setting up a 2-putt.
I made double-bogey on the par-3 holes, beginning with #3. I hit a good looking 5-iron off the tee, but found a green side bunker, flag high. That's what accounted for the double, as I flew right across the green with my bunker shot. A pitch and two putts wrapped things up. On hole #5, I hit a 6-iron so pure that it went 200 yards and ended up behind the green. I made a nice pitch, but then 3-putt like an idiot. On hole #8, my sand wedge off the tee was a little thin. I was lucky that a bunker snagged my ball behind the green. I was unlucky that I was on the down slope, facing a massive lip. I rammed one into the lip, before popping out safely. Two putts ended it.
I made triple-bogey on two of the first three par-4 holes. After visiting an opposite fairway with my drive on hole #2, I practically shanked a 7-iron way to the right side. Unfortunately, I hit a cart path, which carried my ball to yet another fairway. With a terrible downhill lie, I could not pitch over a large bunker that was in my way. From the bunker, I flew over the green. A chip and two putts ended the misery. On hole #6, I waited forever to hit my second shot with the gap wedge. After the massive wait, I proceeded to scull one right and into waist high fescue and weeds. With a wedge! I took a penalty and drop, then hit the green, only to set up a 3-putt. Fortunately, I made par on the last of the par-4 holes, which was #9. Amazingly, I did it by getting up and down from a green side bunker, proving that miracles can indeed happen. I was shooting 51 at the turn.
The rest of the round highlights one of the frustrating things about this game. I shot 42 on the back nine. That's pretty good! So why did I happen to shoot 51, 42 and not 42, 42 or even something like 46, 42? I'll tell you why. It's because golf is evil. It has to be, because there is no other logical explanation. Anyway, I started the back nine with three consecutive bogeys, including one on hole #10 when my birdie chip lipped out and my par putt stopped one inch in front of the cup. To be honest, none of these holes featured a good drive, but I missed to the correct side and made good follow-up shots.
I made par on hole #13, a 150-yard par-3. This was the only green that I hit in regulation, but I was nowhere near the hole and had to make a fantastic 2-putt to earn the result. I went one better on hole #14, collecting a birdie on this downhill par-4. My drive was perfect, leaving just 120 yards to the green. I thinned a wedge to the low spot just in front of the green. It was a really terrible effort. Fortunately, I drained the uphill chip to save the day.
Now, some stupidity – the kind that makes me really irate. Hole #15, a par-3, was playing 180 yards. The entire left side of this hole is red staked marshland. Everything slopes toward the marsh as well. Fortunately, the right side of the hole is fairly benign. As long as you carry the ball over a weed covered gulley, you have plenty of room right of the green. I made the correct decision to aim for the right edge of the green, or even a bit right of that. I hit a perfect 5-iron (my 180-yard club) directly on my intended line. It was so perfect that I didn't even bother watching the ball come to rest. It was perfect, after all. Well, when I walked over to that area, my ball was nowhere to be seen. There are no trees there, no shrubs, no long grass – just some very tame rough. Where the hell was my ball? The only thing remotely close that could conceal a ball was a flower bed well behind the green. I looked there to no avail. I hate losing balls in wide open spaces. It boggles the mind. Anyway, I took a double-bogey reward for my “perfect” tee shot.
More frustration ensued on hole #16, a 422-yard par 4 that plays much longer because it's all uphill. Fuming over the lost ball on the previous hole, I decided to go with the “berserk” swing on my drive. I swung as fast as I could and drilled the ball deep to the left side of the fairway. I had played this course a dozen times and never been in such a good position on this hole. I had a little 9-iron left into the green, but what did I do? I pulled it ever so slightly, but enough to trickle on the cart path and bounce into a hazard. The path is too close to the green here if you ask me. If you miss the green by five yards, the path kicks your ball out. I ALWAYS end up going there with my approach shot. In the past, it has happened with a 4-iron or maybe 5-iron, but for it to happen again with a 9-iron is so frustrating! After a penalty and drop, I chipped on and 2-putt for double-bogey.
Luckily, that was the last of the stupidity. I made par on hole #17, a 412-yard par-4. My approach was in the low spot just in front of the green. I chipped uphill to within 3 feet and drained the uphill par putt. On hole #18, I made a nice drive over the intimidating marshland. I hit a pretty good looking iron toward the green, but came up short and right. My wedge slid right under the ball on the first pitch attempt. My second was much better and a single putt was all I needed for bogey.
Overall, a 93 ain't bad, but the question remains. If I can shoot 42 for nine holes, why can't I approximate that for the other nine and finish with a sub 90 round? It's evil, I tell you.
Score: 93
Putts: 33
Fairways: 4
Greens: 1
Penalties: 2
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